Friday, August 1, 2008

Instead of doing a bulk e-mail...

I figured more people would actually read these or consider reading these if I posted them up here. They're just cute/funny little stories I got from a friend. She got it via e-mail, but had printed them out, when she finished with them, she gave them to me.
Stories begin now:
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not those of his parents."
A woman was trying to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was unterrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass..As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned as whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton bating, then dug a hole and make ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes." (dad couldn't stop laughing on this one!)
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!"
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!!"

hope you enjoyed! I have lots of pictures to blog still, but I have to wait until I can get my film developed.

This is a picture I took of our loot when mom and I went strawberry picking earlier this month (july). When we got back, we washed them, cut out bad parts and then froze them. I have been eating these frozen strawberries like candy!!! They are sooo good! I just made a smoothie out of them yesterday, it was pretty good too! In fact, I just had a good idea of what to do with them: defrost them, puree them, put that in popsicle maker containers, freeze again, and voila! delish strawberry popsicles that are HEALTHY!!! I'll let you know how they go.


Jim and Lisa said...

Funny...cute...Love the picture you took. You're getting good at the camera thing! I was just thinking I should maybe pay you to do some pictures for decorations in our house (bathroom, needs some help).

Betsy Elaine said...

um on your blog links on the side you spelt lisa's middle name wrong and micah's name wrong...

Anonymous said...

ahhem! how fast are you going throught teh candy, i.e. strawberries?
absent mother
oh- love,

klap said...

besty, you're so encouraging!! so those stories reminded me about how uncle doug would come into the bathroom when all us little girls were bathing with cousins on a Saturday night and yell as he opened the door, "close your eyes girls, I'm coming in!!"